Adkisson Boys

When we went to go file our I600 at the embassy, we discovered that our boys have the last name Adkisson. As I was the one that filled out all the paperwork as the petitioner, they have my last name. I don't think I would have chosen that, but I was really excited none the less! John said, "If I have to change my name to Adkisson, I will. Those boys aren't staying in Haiti any longer than they have to." So, we've got a Lovekender Pierre-Louis Adkisson and an Erickson Pierre-Louis Adkisson. Whew! What names. We are adamant about keeping their names as that is all they have. All I have to say is that we elected a president named Barak Hussein Obama. Now, I guarantee that if we adopted a little boy from Haiti named Barak Hussein Obama, people would say, "Oh, what a name, he's going to get beat up in middle school." Well look at Obama now! His name didn't stop him. Lovekender and Erickson will be just fine with the names their birth parents gave them! And maybe they'll get in a few fights....and that's OK. They live in an orphanage with 80 other kids, I think they can handle it!

Our 2nd Trip to Haiti

12-12-08 Even though Haiti is only an hour an a half flight to Miami, there is just no good way to get down there. It's a long haul broken up into two days. Once we got to Port-au-Prince, we waited about 2 and a half hours for a van to pick us up. We made a pit stop at Marie's to pick up two babies meeting their families for the first time. At 3:00, we started the long trek to Les Cayes. This is not a fun trip. It's windy, bumpy, dusty roads. We were cramped in with suitcases and luggage and Violet was in my lap. About 4 hours later, we finally reached the orphanage! Violet did an awesome job in the van and on the flights. The kids were in their pajamas and greeting us with a song. Erickson recognized us, but didn't know what to do. We held his hand and he tried not to smile. Finally, John put him on a bike and started doing pop-a-wheelies. THEN we got a smile and some giggles! John held Lovekender. He did just fine this time! No crying! We loaded the boys back up in the van with everyone else's kids too. We headed for the hotel. I gave Erickson and Lovekender a car each. They couldn't have been happier! John slept with Violet and Erickson and I slept with Love.
12-13-08
We went downstairs for breakfast. Lovekender will eat anything in sight. (except avacado and tomato). He eats adult size portions and then wants more. Lovekender has to have 2 pieces of food in his hands at all times. He won't eat it, he just needs it there for safekeeping. Heaven forbid I give myself a bite! Lovekender wants it all! We hung out at the hotel and went swimming with Lisa, Morelson, Julie, Tom, Lise and Evans. Erickson and Lovekender love swimming. Lovekender LOVES his sunglasses. The kids played with their toys by the pool for awhile and wore their matching Obama shirts! Then we loaded up and went to the orphanage. Erickson had a minor meltdown before this. I think he was mad that Morelson was playing with his truck. At the orphange, we just hung out until the Christmas party. Violet tried to stay away from all the girls that wanted to play with her hair. Erickson tried to protect his car from the other kids. Lovekender just wanted to be held. The orphanage at Cayes is SO MUCH better than the one in Port-au-Prince. It was so nice to see the kids run and play and breathe fresh air. Later that evening, it was time for the party. Some of the older kids sang songs and did dances. One of the dances was hilarious. They did some very provocative moves. I have that on video tape. Way to go Lyse and Evans! We had some food...goat was served. I passed on that. Then, we passed out Christmas gifts for the kids. We were swarmed and a lot of kids ended up crying, so I'm not so sure how well that went.
When it was all over, we loaded back up and went to the hotel. That night, we were up until about 2 am with Violet. She had an earache. I felt so sorry for her I cried. I just kept trying to comfort her, but she was in so much pain. She finally went to sleep. Then, Love was up at 6:15 ready to go.
12-14-08
I took Love and Erickson downstairs and let John and Violet sleep until 10:15. We had breakfast. Again, feeding Lovekender everything in sight. I let E and L open their remote control cars. The loved them. Later, Erickson threw himself another good-ol' fashioned fit because Morelson was playing with his car. We've got to work on the sharing concept. Johna nd Violet came down and had breakfast. Then we headed to the beach. (I should mention that anytime we go from one place to another, there is at LEAST an hour of waiting, wondering what is going on. I don't want to give the impression that everything runs very smoothly....it doesn't!) On the way to the beach, we had to stop twice because birthparents of kids in the van were standing on the side of the road. Lisa met Morelson's Mom, Grandmother/godmother and brother. Julie and Tom met Lise's relatives and Mom. It was VERY weird that these folks were dressed in their Sunday best waiting for us on the side of the road.
We finally made it to the beach. I'm assuming this is the first time for all of my kids. By the way, Erickson LOVES riding in a car. He talks and chants the whole time. At first, Erickson was scared of the waves. Thank goodness for my Creyole lessons. I was able to talk to him about this. Later, I took Violet and Lovekender out in the ocean with me. They both loved it. Lovekender didn't like to get his hands and feet dirty in the sand! Love started playing in the sand. Then, he just stood up and walked straight towards the ocean and kind of dove, face first towards some waves. Keep in mind, he is two, but looks one. He's just this little squirt of a guy. He didn't cry of anything. John took him out and he LOVED the ocean. Then, Erickson started thinking that he knew how to swim. When I held him, he just kind of dove toward John. He's going to be quite the swimmer once we get him home and explain about the whole holding your breath thing. Violet loved the ocean too. All three kids started working on a sand pile. That's the first time I've seen them all play together. It was very sweet!
After out swim, I put them in their matching Hawaiian outfits that mom got them. We waited some more and then drove to a restaurant on the beach. Marie was there too. Marie always wants to talk to Violet, and Violet gets all shy. Marie says, "Don't shy, Vio (Vee-0h)." Stephanie pulled me aside and told me that the boys are out of parquet. This was huge news. Our file is moving very fast. She said the boys could be home as early as March. Keep in mind, they could also hit a stumbling block and be held up for months. However, the way that it is going now, they are on track to be home in a few months. Very exciting and overwhelming news!
The dinner choices at the restaurant were conch or fish. Lovekender and Erickson dug in. John got the conch. I just had some fried plantains. It was good. We had a few beers and good conversation with the other waiting couples. It was so good to make friendships with the other adopting parents! We headed back to the hotel. Lovekender and Erickson go a quick shower to get the sand off. Lovekender's scabies were really itching him. I got him to sleep by combing his skin and hair with a little baby comb. Tonight, I was up with Lovekender. He had a bad cough. If I held him upright, he didn't cough. So, finally, I arranged some pillows so I could sleep at an angle with Lovekender on top of me. Sweet thing!
12-15-08
Lovekender was up around 6:15 again. I always awaken to a large poopie diaper! I guess I'm going to have to learn how to potty train a boy. We thought we were suppose to check out at 9:00AM, but plans changed. So, we ended up hanging out in the lobby for hours. I took the boys over to some trees and we looked for lizards. Lovekender was very good at spotting them. He'd stick out his little bitty finger and point and coo. He is so sweet you want to eat him up! Erickson meanwhile, was throwing another daily fit that I'm sure was related to his car! We loaded the van and took a quick scenic look at the beach that was right outside the wall of our hotel. We had no idea! That whole time we were a few yards from a beach. Oh, well.
At the orphanage, we played with the kids for about an hour and 20 minutes and then said good-bye. Lovekender went back into the baby room. All the mom's of babies were in there crying. Even the nannies were teared up. Lovekender was crying as I waved good-bye. Then, out in the gravel, Erickson realized we were going and started screaming crying. We hugged him and got in the van. As we left, I saw him spread-eagle on the pavement crying.
The good-bye wasn't very hard for me. I think it's because I try to control everything in my life and this is one thing that I have ABSOLUTELY no control over. There is nothing I can do to make it better or move faster. The orphanage is clean and nice. The boys are taken care of. They have food. And, they'll be home soon. I'm at peace with that. I'm sure Erickson was sad for awhile (a couple of hours), and then he started playing again. His cars are probably broken now, but at least he had fun with them for awhile. Lovekender is fine as long as he has food.
We pulled out of the orphanage with all the crying parents, John included. We went to a restaurant and had some good eats. Then we hit the road for PAP. It took another 4 hours. We sang LOTS of Christmas songs. Violet was NOT a fan of the 12 days of Christmas! "IT's too long." We went to Marie's for some dinner and she had Christmas gifts for us. Then, we went to the Visa Lodge. It was a cute little room. Violet put on a couple of shows for us, which we also have on tape.
12-16-08
I woke up at about 6:15. I guess out of habit now. I grabbed my notes and went to study by the pool. Later, I woke up John and Violet. We all had egg and cheese (and HAM) omletes. It's pretty much impossible to be vegetarian. Ham comes on everything....even spaghetti. At this point, we remembered that it was our eighth anniversary! We packed up, checked out and headed to Marie's. We were there for quite some time. Not really sure why. There were lots of families there dropping off kids at the orphanage. Then, we headed to the embassy. We signed our 1-600's. The boys are leagally ours, whatever that means. We had to take an oath that we would take care of them. Also, the boys' last name is ADKISSON. Because I was the one that filled out the paperwork and listed John as the spouce, they have my last name. That was pretty funny. John said, "If I have to change my name to Adkisson, I will. Those boys aren't staying in Haiti any longer than they have to."
We left the embassy and had lunch at a nice outdoor restaurant. Then, we headed to the airport. We flew into Miami and then to Chicago. The Chicago flight was delayed. We got to our hotel around2:30. We slept for about 4 hours and then woke up to catch our flight to Louisville.
12-17-08
Mom and Cyrus picked us up in Louisville. Violet ran to them. It was so cute. Mom had all kinds of good eats for us in the car. She is so wonderfully fabulous. We were exhausted. When we got home, I called my study group and they came over. Final exam the next day. No pressure! That was our trip!

8 days!

I'll see my boys in 8 days!!! I can hardly stand it! Last night, we had our last Creyole lesson before we leave. I'm doing all right. I made a little booklet to help me. I can't wait to carry on a conversation with Erickson. I wonder if it will make a big difference? I can't wait to play Simon Di and to pretann to be Ton Ton Noel and ouvri kado! Yeah. Oh my gosh! I'm so caught up in nursing school and finals, etc. , I hardly take a moment and get totally excited. Well, I am right now!!!! I'm pretty much ready. One last Target run should do me. This time, I'm packing gifts for Violet. I forgot to last time. Ooops.

4 1/2!!

Erickson is 4 and 1/2 years old today!!! I can't believe six months have gone by since we saw him! I wonder if he's grown. I wonder if he'll remember us. I wonder if he'll run right to us or be shy for awhile. I've finished my toy shopping for Haiti Dec. trip. I got the boys some remote control cars. I think they'll love them! I can't wait to give them to them. We leave in 2 weeks. Dang, I've got a lot of studying to do between now and then!

Baldy

Less than a month until I see my boys! We have some new pictures of Erickson. I hardly recognized him because he got a hair cut/shave! I had to have John come in and confirm that that was really Erickson. No pictures of Lovekender. He must be hiding somewhere in that orphanage.

I've been working on my Creyole. Tomorrow night, we go to a fundraiser for Ten Kids, a new non-profit organization to help kids in Haiti.

I bought the boys a few small things for Christmas. I'm so excited to see them again and to interact more this time. I want to talk to Erickson and see if I can have a little tiny conversation with him.

I can't wait to get them home! Nursing school is keeping me busy and distracted. I'll really miss them this Christmas. It'd be so much more fun with them!

President Obama!!!

Boys, I am so excited for you! You are coming home to President Barak Obama. You are coming to a country where the people can make a difference. Your new home will be full of love and hope for a brighter future. The first few years of your lives have been incredibly hard. For two young kidos, you have been through more emotionally than some ever experience in a life time. I hope that you love it here and that your days are full of happiness and new opportunities. I hope that you always love your native Haiti and work to make Haiti a better place for her people to live. Most of all, I want you to be able to do whatever you want, to follow your dreams. I'm going to do the best I can to ensure your success and happiness.
I love you and miss you so much. As this process drags on, I keep in mind that you will come home at just the right time and that everything will work out smoothly. As of today, I'm not sure if you will get an IR3 Visa. This would ensure that you are US citizens when our plane lands in Florida. Right now, it's looking like you all could end up with IR4 visas. That would mean we would have to file more paperwork when you got home in order to make you citizens. Anyway, it is out of my control....Let's just hope your dossier gets out of IBESR within the next 30 days!!!! That is so important! Your file has been in IBESR 4 months as of today!

I can't wait to tuck you in your beds at night!
Love you,
Mommie

email from Stephanie

Hi Kendra,

I think Erickson more then Lovekender is suffering from a bit of a broken heart. He reminds me of my son, who was diagnosed “failure to thrive”. Once home he did fine, although I still see where he is very sensitive, and he gets overwhelmed in large groups (not that anyone would notice or consider a “disorder”) Josh had a brother who was 4 at the orphanage and every picture I have of Jon he seems to be crying. He had moments of fun interaction, but he was definitely a sad little boy. He sorely missed his poppee. Once home he also did very well. They were both boys that needed a relationship with a parent. I hope and predict that Erickson will be a very different little boy once he is home. I’m glad that by the time we go in December you’ll be so much further into the adoption process (lets hope you’re out of IBESR and on your way!) I think Lovekender is also sensitive, but he doesn’t seem as sad and withdrawn as Erickson. He just seems to be a toddler unsure of strange white people. J I would read up on attachment and bonding to make sure you are taking deliberate steps with them both when they come home. Better to assume there is loss and grief to overcome then to not and miss something—however small it may seem.

I talked with Marie today and she said they are both doing better. You were right, she was under the impression you paid up through September because you wanted care through that time. I asked her if she thinks they need their own nanny and she said no, that they are doing better. We’ll want to ask the staff in December if what we see when we’re there is what they see when we’re not there.

Haiti Journal

Haiti Journal

Day One: May 25, 2008 (Sunday)

We woke up at 4:30 AM in Ft. Lauderdale, FL to go to the airport. We hung out there for a couple of hours, very pleased to check our 300lbs of luggage. We boarded an airbus for Port-au-Prince Haiti. Violet still wasn't feeling well. I continued to give her Tylenol every 4 hours.

When we landed in Haiti, we clapped. Violet was so excited. I had her in the ergo carrier and I went down the steps from the plane to the airport. Violet was singing, “Welcome to Haiti” to the tune of “Let's go to the Movies” from the Annie movie. A group of drummers greeted us. It was overcast, but you could see the mountains all around the city. It was beautiful. I ducked into the bathroom quickly (Violet still in the Ergo). She said, “Are my brother's here? Is this the orphanage?” I said, “No, this is the airport.” Then she asked, “Is this Haiti?” I said, “Yes, this is Haiti. But, we'll see your brothers later.”

So, we proceeded through customs. We had a man help us with our 6 bags of luggage. Then, as instructed, we went out side to find “Mr. Big.” So, named because he is the biggest man you will see in Haiti. Sure enough, we walk out the doors and a very large Haitian says, “OK, come here.” We obediently followed him. He immediately called Vineil, the manager of the guest house, and instructed him to come and get us. We waited and watched. About 10 minutes later, Mr. Big's phone rang. “OK,” he says. And again, we follow him. Veniel is in a white van with his 21/2 year old daughter, Venaika. Violet asks, “Is she my friend?” They sit together holding hands in the van. Too Cute! Veniel is very handsome. He drives us for a about 5 minutes to the guest house, Wall's. He honks loudly at the gate and two armed guards open it. We pull in. Wall's is surrounded by concrete walls topped with Razor wire.

While we were waiting for our rooms on the patio, I met Isabelle, another adopting mom from Canada. Then I here SPLASH! I ran up the 2 steps the the walled in pool area and Violet was just there under the water in the deep in. I reached in a grabbed her. She's sobbing and we are both soaking wet. That was very scary and totally embarrassing! I felt like such a bad mom in front of all the other guests. Violet was OK, just scarred. Later that night, she said, “That was fun! I was swimming!”

We checked into our room and then waited to go meet the boys. Finally, we went over to the orphanage, Petit Angels de Chantal, or PAC 1. We met Marie the director. She and the nannies were getting the place ready for our Mother's Day party...as it was Mother's Day in Haiti. The kids from PAC 1 were running around all over Marie's house and we couldn't wait to see our guys. Our boys live in PAC 2 and they were to be arriving soon. Violet wasn't feeling good. She had a fever. John and I kept debating on going back to the guest house to get her Tylenol, because we didn't want to miss the boys' arrival. John finally went and got the medicine really quickly and made it in time.

Finally, some new kids start running around the corner. I thought I recognized Erickson, but I wasn't 100% positive because his nose and eyes are very swollen. He had quite an infection...goop coming out of his
eyes. His face is broken out with little bumps everywhere. He walked passed me and I said John, “I think that's Erickson,” while pointing to him. But, I wanted to see other kids to make sure. I was also looking for Lovekender. I went around the corner and saw that the kids had arrived in a white pick-up truck with tiny colorful chairs in the back of it!! Someone, I don't know who, was holding a tiny Lovekender! I went to her/him and got to hold Lovekender for the first time!!! I carried him over the where John was trying to talk to Erickson. Poor Erickson wouldn't even look at us. We have no idea what he was told or if he knew who the heck we were. It was very sad. We said to him, “Sa se fre ou?” Is this your brother? Pointing to Lovekender. He would nod his head yes. Finally, I just picked him up. He put his head down on my shoulder. Poor thing.

Then, Marie put some eye medicine in his eyes. Then, he let John hold him. He just put his head down on John.
We ate dinner. Violet wouldn't eat anything, Erickson ate some. I couldn't get Lovekender to eat. Finally a nanny took him and just started shoveling food in. Oops. I didn't know thats how I was suppose to do it! He ate a whole big plate of food.

Meanwhile, Erickson was hot and sweating bullets. His face had a rash on it and his right eye was very swollen. I was VERY worried about him. He was like a little rag doll and fell asleep in my arms. Marie had one of the nannies put him to bed. I was a bit disappointed. I wanted to hold him while he slept.

Lovekender is too cute, and did I mention TINY! John got to hold him and eventually made him laugh. Violet wasn't feeling well and all the kids at the orphanage wanted to pull on her hair because it is so different from theirs.

We took all the kids back to our guest house. We gave Erickson a ball and he was so excited, smiling and laughing. He's so handsome with that smile! Just a precious spirit! It was an unbelievable change from just an hour ago. I gave Lovekender a bath in the sink. I wish we had a picture, but no spare hands were to be had. Erickson and Violet played on the little balcony. Then, I gave Erickson a shower. I'm pretty sure it was his first. He was fascinated with the running water. I put him in a new outfit and gave him his sunglasses and backpack. He was a happy camper.

We only had him for about an hour and then we took them back to PAC 1. We debated whether or not to keep them in our room. But, our agency advised taking them back to the orphanage at night so they have some sense of normalcy. However, they were not sent back to PAC 2, where they live, they had to stay at PAC 1. So, I don't know what was best. Either way, we got them out of their routine.

What a day!!! I met my sons.

DAY 2: MAY 26, 2008

We spent from 9 - 7 with them today at the guest house. Lovekender is was very lethargic today. Erickson's eyes still oozing. Lovekender tries not to smile.
He actually bites his lip or purses them so as not to smile...the little stinker! Marie is taking them both to the doctor tomorrow. She said that they came to the orphanage very malnurished. She said it will take about 3 months for them to get better. Their little bellies are very distended. Tomorrow, we will see them
after the doctor's appointment.

We took the kids to the mountains today. We had no idea that it was an hour drive on bumpy curvy roads in the back of an un-airconditioned van. No telling what the boys were thinking. "Who are these white people and where are they taking us.?" Veniel was taking us to a restaurant. But, when we FINALLY got up the mountain, the restaurant was closed. John bought the kids some hats from a vender and then we went back down the mountain. The kids were sleeping in the back of the van. Lovekender was sticking to me with sweat. When we got to the restaurant, Lovekender had a blowout. I had to change his diaper (diarreah) on the floor of a bathroom with no light. Then when I went to wash my hands, there was no soap. I had poop on my skirt and on his clothes. It was awful. Poor little guy was sick.

We spent the rest of the day with them at Wall's.

DAY 3: MAY 27^th, 2008

So far, my favorite quote from John is, "Three kids is more than one kid." I'm not even sure that it is grammatically correct, but I think I need it
on a t-shirt!
Today Lovekender had an opinion about things. He wasn't happy most of the time, but that was great! Yesterday, he was a ragdoll and I thought
he was sick. In hindsight, I think he was just completely shut down emotionally. Today, he actually walked toward the toy cars and played with
them awhile. I didn't even know if he could walk. He cries if Violet gets within 2 feet of him. Meanwhile, Violet continues to want to be close to him,
pet him, mother him. It's very sweet, but I have to keep her away from him. He's not a fan! I keep calling him, "Lovey," which of course will not
fly in middle school, but I can't resist these few days! Dad, I've made a conscious effort to call him "Butch" a few times :) I finally figured out how to
feed him....just shove it in his mouth. He won't reach for the food, he just whines. I realized that that means, "shove it down my throat rather aggressively
like my nannies do."

Erickson came to us today with open sores on his face. His eyes look much better. John continued to put the drops in his eyes today. His faced
looked better by dinner time. Erix was awesome at dinner. He ate 3 chicken legs and then cracked off the top, ate that and then sucked the marrow.
Now that is how you eat some chicken! Erix was giddy when I took him swimming today. It was me in the pool with three kids. (John smashed open
his toe and that's a whole other story). Lovekender aka Lovey/Butch also loved the pool. He stopped crying for about 30 minutes and made the most
beautiful cooing/talking sounds. He even splashed a bit. Compared to yesterday, that is monumental!

Word on the street is that it's going to take 2 years to get these guys home. I'm still hoping for sooner, but prepared for the long haul.

Violet is the best kid ever. She is such a trooper!! What an awesome kid. John is amazing. I just can't thank him enough everyday! He's constantly
speaking Creole and working with Erickson. Today, Erickson was testing boundaries a bit to see what we were all about. John handled all of that
fantastically. We are doing great and taking it day by day!

Violet and Erickson are thick as Thieves. Lovekender does not like Violet so much. Violet loves to love on Lovekender. How many times can you get love in a sentence?

We are staying at a great Guest house. We feel so safe and secure. We love the manager, Veniel. And there are other wonderful people here adopting, starting water projects,
etc. What an adventure! Boy Howdy!!

DAY 4: MAY

I'm figuring out Lovekender. He doesn't want me to put him down, and he doesn't want to go to John. Today, I learned that he loves his sunglasses
and hat. He gets almost a smile...like he knows he looks good. However, most of the time, "Nothing will do." I'm just glad I figured out how to feed him.

Erickson is starting to figure out that we pick him up everyday and drop him off after dinner. Today, he started to shut down again before dinner time. I suppose
in anticipation of going back to the orphanage tonight. We talked with the director of the orphanage. She said that she would explain things to him on the last
day. He probably has no clue what is going on. He tested John today and John was awesome. Setting boundaries, but still telling him that we love him. Erix
also cried a pretty good cry today. We were happy about that. Some kids that go through this just stuff it all in. We were glad to see him show his feelings.
It's just so hard because we don't speak Creole. We have an adoptive parents phrase book that we use, but it definitely doesn't suffice for our lack of language!

Violet is also testing us. She cries and wants me to hold her while I have Lovey. She's actually doing awesome, considering. But, she is learning to share
mom and dad. She knows she can get away with more if John and I both have one of the boys.

Haiti is really sad. This whole thing is just very complicated. But, the happy thing is that these boys will get home to us someday. Erickson cried when we
dropped him off at the orphanage today. He is VERY attached to John. Poor little thing. They went to the doctor today. They got antibiotics, eye drops, a special
soap and a special milk for malnutrition. (To be mixed with sugar and oil?) When in Rome.....

This is VERY exhausting. Violet just threw up twice last night and was the fine today. THANK GOD! Last night, I was pretty darn worried that she might be doing this for the next few days.

It's hard having all three kids from 9 until 6. It's not like having them at your house. You can't relax like you can at your own home. We are at a guest house. I don't want Violet naked, kids crying, or them going into other people's rooms. And then there is the pool that Violet fell in not 30 minuets after we got here on the first day. I pulled her right out...but it wasn't a great way to start the trip!
GOOD GOD! So, John and I just herd cats all day. There are balconies, ladders to roofs, etc. Being at home with them will be infinitely better. Our fenced in back yard is just perfect. Just give them plastic swords and say, "GO For it." Also, it's hard to try and keep their snacks separate. I don't want Vi in
the boys stuff or water bottles. The boys have parasites and bacteria. My brain has room for no other thoughts when I'm with the kids.

Day 5, May 30^th, 2008

Well, I think I officially think I'm attached to these kids, Leaving them today was hard. I cried today as soon as we walked out the gate of the orphanage. Wept is more like it. Erickson had another melt down today, but, he is happy most of the day. He loved the pool again today. He loves to put his head in it. I think we were a little over zealous with the sunscreen. All of the Haitians were probably laughing at us. Plus, they
think that it is too cold to go swimming. They probably think we are bad parents.
Lovekender still tries to avoid eye contact. That is hard. However, I did make him laugh today by tossing him up in the air a bit. That lasted all of 5 seconds....but it was a great (and reassuring) 5 seconds. He's in there somewhere.
Erickson gets very sad at dinner time. He knows he's going back to the orphanage. Today, I showed him a picture of our house and said that he was going to live with us ( in Creole). I'm not sure any one has told him that
yet. I just held him for a long time and he put his head down on my shoulder. I just keep telling him I love him, "Mwen renmen ou. Mwen renmen ou." and my son, "petit garcon." He'll just kind of whimper. I wish I knew what was going on in those little heads. I can't imagine. Tough day. I fell in love.

DAY 6: May 31^st, 2008

Erickson still had his meltdown this morning. After about 30 minutes of crying, he fell asleep. Then, the rest of the day, he was pretty giddy.
I think he is just so overwhelmed, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He is in love with John . He doesn't want to share John with Violet.
And Lovey doesn't want to share me with Violet. Poor Violet. Erickson kissed John lots of times today on his own volition. It was just so sweet. Then, after John took him to the bathroom, he came running back into me and said, "Mommie!" He jumped into my arms and gave me a kiss! It was really incredible. Especially since I haven't been telling him I'm Mommie. I'm just calling myself mama Kendra.

Then, little mister short stuff, Lovekender, made his debut today! He cooed and was content most of the day. This is HUGE. He pointed to things and
"talked" about them. He stood up and played with a car briefly. Then, this afternoon in the play room, he wanted to sit and be pushed on this little
radio flyer. It doesn't seem like anything....BUT IT WAS HUGE! It was totally different from the floppy baby I've been holding all week. What a change!
He also let John hold him which is unheard of as well. Lovekender is just the most beautiful baby in the world. I can't quit examining him. He is
scrumptious!

Violet drew a butterfly on the magnadoodle. When new people come to the guest house, she says, "these are my bwuvers!" In the morning, she is
excited about going and getting them. I'm relieved. She could easily be saying, "I don't want them to be my brothers." I'm glad she likes them despite
the daily crying fits and demands on mom and dad's attention.

Tomorrow is our last day with the boys. Sigh.

Violet is asking for a massage now. I'm off to have girl time.

Hurricanes

Haiti has been pounded by hurricanes this season. First Gustav, then Hanna, then Ike. There has been widespread devastation: flooding, strong winds, people stranded without food, and hundreds dead.
Stephanie, our adoption facilitator, went to Haiti with a group of parents on Aug. 16th. They traveled down to Les Cayes to see your new orphanage. It is so much better than the one you boys are in now in Port-au-Prince.
Stephanie said that you are OK from the Hurricanes. She talks to Marie 1 or 2 times a day. She said that Erickson, you were really sad that John and I weren't there. She said you were clingy and wanted to be held all the time. We sent a bulldozer toy for you and Stephanie said you carried it around all week. Little Lovekender, evidentially, you were content and happy just watching what was going on. Your nanny dressed you in the tie-died shirt I sent. I can't wait to see the pictures!
John and I are suppose to go down there in early December to see you and file some papers!!! I have my nursing school final exam, but I'm trying to work it out so I can come. If not, John will go see you by himself. Stephanie said that after we file that i600 form, we will be on the right track to POSSIBLY have you home by June. Oh, I can only hope!!!
Violet pretends that you guys are here everyday. She pretends that the little boo-boo bear we keep in the freezer is Lovekender. She wants me to be Erickson, or she'll have a doll be Erickson. She can't wait to have playmates and brothers!!
We are taking Creyole lessons from a lady named Rose. We're not very good, but, we're hanging in there.
I love you boys and can't wait to tuck you into bed here in your room.

Missing

Dear Boys,

I miss you. But not like the regular missing somebody. It's more like, "where are my kids? They're missing." It really is an empty feeling.
I think about you all the time. Violet pretends that you are here constantly. I watched the video of our trip to Haiti. Erickson's laugh may be my FAVORITE thing in the whole world. Oh, it's just fantastic. Lovekender is too cute, and double trouble. He made such improvements while we are in Haiti. I hope you are doing well and that your nanny is taking good care of you. Your orphanage is moving to Les Cayes Haiti sometime soon. I hope you do OK with the move. I can't wait to see you again. I can't wait to bring you home! I want two more kids running around my backyard! LAUGHING!!! Stephanie, our adoption facilitator is going to Haiti in two weeks. I can't wait to get pictures of you. Know that we are thinking of you and loving you tons everyday!!!

Missing you,
Mommie

OUR LONG, TWISTED ADOPTION JOURNEY

THE ORIGINAL PLAN

Before John and I even married, we have wanted to adopt. In, 2003, (oh that seems forever ago), I started researching adoption and sending off for all those glossy pamphlets with pitiful pictures of children from all over the world. John and I decided that we wanted to do a domestic adoption and to go through Catholic Social Services here in Lexington, KY. We met with our social workers, Laurie and Nelda in Jan. of 2004 and then began the adoption classes that spring. The day that we finished our last class, I went to Casa de Nacimiento, a birth center in Texas to do a midwifery internship for a month. While there, I bought a little outfit for our baby to be. I was so excited. When I returned, we finished our paper work and our scrapbook. The scrapbook was the story of our lives, pictures of our home and family. This is how the birth mother would choose our family. We turned in our scrapbook and waited. I felt that we would get chosen quickly as we were open to a newborn of any color and with any medical condition. We had our home study on September 9th, I believe. Now we were officially ready for a baby. I had a baby shower in Owensboro. I remember being SOOO excited about the shower. I came home and had the nursery all ready. It was painted and everything! I was ready for a baby!!
On October 9th, I checked in with Laurie or Nelda just to see if anyone had looked at our scrapbook. Later that day, I was on the phone to my friend Anne. I said something to her like, "blah blah blah, PERIOD." (You know how you do when you want to emphasize something. That's how that is going to be. PERIOD.) Then I said, "speaking of periods, I haven't had mine in a while." Then, when I figured it out, I thought, "oh no. there is no way. What if I'm pregnant." That night, John was DJing a radio show for WRFL. On the way to the station, I bought a pregnancy test. I took it at UK and came in and waved it to him while he was on the air. He gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. He then played some pregnancy related music like the Beach Boys, "When a man needs a woman."
I was in a state of shock! My adoption plans!!! I thought I might have a baby by Christmas. And, I didn't think I'd have to push it out or be pregnant for that matter! We wanted to help kids who needed a home, not create more kids to consume more stuff in America. I figured that I was about 5 weeks pregnant and would be do in June. When we got home from the radio station, I called Laurie and Nelda and left a pitiful message on their phone. I was crying and I said I was pregnant and I was so sorry, etc. etc. etc. I also called my parents and grandparents.

A BIRTH

On May 23rd, 2005, I gave birth to my daughter, Violet Estelle, on the back deck in a birthing pool. It was incredible! And, I guess that is the topic of a whole other blog. It was always my intention to adopt another baby. And soon. I wanted to be able to breastfeed an adopted baby while I still had my milk supply from Violet. I knew that when Violet was a year old, we could start the adoption process again. That was my plan and I let Nelda know. It was at this time, that she told me that when I got pregnant, a birthmom with African American twin boys had already selected us. She had been so disappointed when she found out that we were pregnant. Nelda said that she had really fallen in love with us from our scrapbook. It was such a weird feeling to know that there were two boys somewhere in Lexington that could be my sons right now! How our lives changed when we had Violet! What is it, "God laughs when we make plans!"

A DEATH

My plans changed again. In October of 2005, we found out that John's 49 year old mother had colon cancer. She was single and lived in Florida. In June of 2006, she moved in with us. Not long after she came, we called hospice and her mother and aunt moved in with us as well. It was a VERY stressful summer. There were 4 adults and a one year old living here. There was also always another family member or friend here for a short stay. It was very intense. John's mom died on August 1st, not 10 months after her diagnosis.

HEARTBREAK

After we cleared our house out and got our lives back to "normal," we called Laurie and Nelda again to update our file. We had to do another homestudy, as it had been a year since our last one. On October, 10th at 10 AM, we had our homestudy. We were ready and waiting to adopt again! It was in October, that John had a chance to play a few shows with the band, The Apples in Stereo. After those gigs, John was invited to go on tour with the Apples in Feb. After long discussions, John and I decided that we would adopt a baby if we were chosen by the end of the year. If not, we would put our adoption on hold AGAIN, until he got back from tour. As each day in December checked off the calendar, I felt more and more depressed. We weren't going to get a baby this year...who knows how long it would be!! Would I have milk? Etc, etc. etc.
Then, on December 6th, Laurie called and said a birthmom had chosen us!!!!! She was due any second!!! I flipped out and just started screaming. Oh, I was so excited!!!! The next few days were exciting. We met the birthmom and her long time boyfriend on a Monday. It was a boy!! I planned and prepared. I went back and forth between feeling ecstatic and feeling like I was going to puke!
Finally, on December 15th, we got the call that she was in labor. I called my parents to come and get Violet and I called John at work. John and I drove to the hospital an hour away and got there just in time for the birth. He was just beautiful. The nurses went to hand him to me and I pointed them towards the birthmom. She looked at him and then motioned for the nurses to let me hold him. He was just gorgeous! A fat juicy bottom lip! I began nursing him right away. He latched right on. We hung out with the birthmom and her boyfriend for about an hour, and then we got our own room.
We decided to name him D'Angelo, in honor of his birthmother. I stayed up all night with our little baby boy, D. He nursed like a champ. We took pictures, dressed him up and I just held him all night long. The next evening, a social worker from the adoption agency came in to tell us that the birthmom and her boyfriend changed their minds. I must say I was in shock. We really didn't think the birthmom would change her mind. Her situation seemed so dire, that we didn't even really entertain the idea that she would decide to parent. John and I went down to her room and talked to her and the boyfriend and said that we totally supported their decision and that we loved them. If they changed their minds again in the morning, we could be back in one hour!!!
So, that night, December 16th (our 6th anniversary), 24 hours after the birth, John and I made the LONG drive home to Lexington with an empty car seat. I've never cried so hard in my life. You know the kind where you run to the toilet in case you might puke. It was just heartbreaking.

A ROCK and ROLL TOUR! (what next?)

John spent the better first half of 2007 on tour with the Apples in Stereo. They just played on the Conan O'Bryan show and went all over the United States. They had an upcoming European tour. We had decided that when he got back from Europe in June, we would be ready to start our adoption process....AGAIN.
In May, we got a call from Laurie that a birthmom had chosen us and was originally due in June, but that they had moved her due date up to late May. Did we want this baby? We needed to let her know in a couple of hours. What a situation!!! Yes, we wanted to adopt, and soon, but John was scheduled to tour Europe for 3 weeks and wouldn't be back until June 5th. What if the mom delivered early? John wouldn't be here. Could he fly back from Europe short notice? What would the band do if he did? Etc. etc. etc. We went round and round. We didn't know what to do. It put John in an awful position. I was ready for a another baby....he was living his dream touring with the band! Laurie called to get our decision. We put her off for another few hours. She called back again. AHHHhh this was excruciating!! I could have a baby in my arms in a few weeks! Ultimately, we decided no. It was so Hard to say that. I was so disappointed, but I knew that John needed to do this. There would be other birthmoms and other babies. John went on to Europe with the band.

NURSING SCHOOL

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I decided to go to nursing school. I had been pursuing my passion for natural birth by assisting hombebirth midwives. At the time, I was working as a prenatal massage therapist and doula. I decided that I needed a more formal education and a degree, so that I could practice homebirth midwifery legally in the state of KY. So, that led me to nursing school. I was hoping that we would get a baby in June so that I would have the whole summer with the baby before I started school. Again, as each day got checked off the calendar, I was more and more anxious. What a long wait! We had now been chosen by 3 birthmoms and we still had yet to complete an adoption!!! What would I do if Laurie and Nelda called the week before school to tell me we had been chosen. I was somewhat of a nervous wreck.
However, I started school with no prospect of a baby. Once school started, I grew even more anxious about adopting. School was very intense. I couldn't miss clinic days, I couldn't miss tests, I had to study. What would I do if a baby came? Drop out? Keep going and not give the baby as much attention as I should? I waited and waited for a call. Finally, fall break. "This would be a great week. I could have a baby this week and then be able to finish out the semester and then sit out a semester. All the different scenarios played out in my mind. Either way you sliced it, it would be VERY HARD to adopt a baby and go to Nursing school.
For anyone who has ever waited for a baby like this, you are the only ones who can relate to how stressful it is. You don't know when the baby is coming. You could get days notice and then suddenly, you life is turned upside down. You don't know whether to schedule things, etc. The social workers tell you to just go on with your life as usual, but it is SO HARD and STRESSFUL. (Especially for those of us who are planners!!) At least when you are pregnant, you have about a month ball park range. When you adopt, you have no idea!!!!
And for those of you who havent' been in nursing school, it's insane. It isn't like I could just take a couple of weeks off with a baby and read some chapters and be fine. We learn skills, like starting an IV, you, know, IMPORTANT THINGS! You can't just miss class. Plus, we have 10 hours of clinical time in the hospital each week. There is no way to make that. Essentially, I'd just have to drop out if I got a baby. What was I thinking?!
Anyway, Christmas break came. There was relief that I had made it through the first semester, but disappointment that we weren't going to have a baby again this Christmas!!! The one year anniversary of D'Angelo's birth was VERY hard.
It's now 2008! 4 years after starting our adoption classes!!! I never would have imagined. Now I was gearing up for a second semester of school. No word on a baby.
Finally, spring break came. I couldn't take it anymore! Why had we been waiting since June for a baby? You begin to look at all pregnant women with hungry eyes. Could she be a birthmom? Does she want her baby? Violet was going to be 3!!! I couldn't believe we didn't have antoher baby by now. Where were all the pregnant women?! Why weren't we getting chosen? I finally thought, "OK, we want a baby, there are plenty of babies in the world. We just need to be matched up. We aren't finding each other."

Thank God for Google

So, on March 8th, I googled, "children waiting for adoption." I clicked the first link, www.adopting.com. I clicked on the first picture...the featured kids. It was a picture of a two boys from Haiti...ages 3 and 1 and a half. That was it, those were my boys! I scrolled through so many pictures. There are hundreds of kids waiting for adoption. But, I came back to the first picture I saw. I'll NEVER forget that picture. I don't know how you know, or what makes a certain pair of eyes jump out at you, but I just KNEW. Those were MY boys. I emailed the adoption agency. The facilitator, Stephanie, said they were available for adoption and gave me more information. She said their parents took them to the orphanage and stated that they didn't think the boys would survive their childhood unless they were adopted.
I spent the next 48 hours convincing John that these were our boys. I laid out all the pros. They'd be biological siblings. No "odd man out" in our family. They were older, no intense baby care! They were the perfect ages. Violet would be right in between them. We already had a girl. We could adopt two and then be done with the whole adoption thing forever! They said it would take about a year or more for the adoption process. I explained to John that this was perfect. I could finish my last year of nursing school. Etc. Etc. I showered him with reasons. Finally, we agreed. We wanted to adopt these brothers.
We went and met with our social workers and quickly got our international dossier ready. Actually, I got it ready in record time. We couldn't "claim" the boys until our paper work was finished. Meanwhile I kept checking the website. Their picture was still available. I was terrified someone else would take "MY BOYS!" John and I took out a home equity loan for a VERY LARGE amount of money!! Aack and ignored my nursing school studying to finish the mountains of paperwork. On April 4th, Stephanie emailed us that the boys were ours. Their names were Erickson Pierre and Lovekender Pierre. She emailed more pictures of them.
My first year of nursing school was over!!
Our final dossier was arrived in Haiti on May 19th. (Eight pounds of paperwork, literally). On May 23rd, Violet turned 3. The next day, the three of us headed to Haiti to meet Erickson and Lovekender!